Verse 1
 
E 
you can laugh if you want, 'cause it's hilarious. 
A                                                        F#m                         E 
i was sitting on the couch, just trying to live vicariously through some bad reality TV. 
 
E 
my appliances tend to be precarious. 
      A                                                        F#m 
but repairmen are just quacks that you pay to pee all over the seat. 
                            E 
i can f*ck it up myself for free. 
          E 
i knew my microwave was sparking, but i get the munchies after dark 
    A 
and i just had to put some popcorn in. 
            E 
i'd left my wallet in the car and ran outside to grab it just in case, 
     A 
some infomercial rationalized my spending habits. 
          F#m 
then, the moment that i finally found it under the seat, 
            B 
i heard the running and the children screaming... 
 
Chorus
  E                               A 
i turn around and everything's on fire because of me. 
    F#m                                   B 
and no one's dead but they probably wanna die because of me. 
       E                                          F# 
'cause i'm that guy that made some popcorn in the middle of the night. 
        A                   Am 
left it there to stealthily ignite and ruin everybody's lives. 
 
Bridge
E A F#m B x2 
 
Verse 2
    E                          A 
how is it that i live and work alone and i'm still lethal? 
     F#m                           B 
i've taken care to stay out of the way of other people. 
  E                              A 
i thought that if i only left my home to buy my groceries, 
F#m                             B 
everything would be so simple, 'cause i don't get lonely 
                  E 
except for when i do. 
E                             A                     A 
i turn on the tv and think of you. The-- the two of you! 
 
Bridge
                                        F#m 
i, uh, i think about the both of you a lot, because... 
          B 
you know, i think you're... both really cool. 
 
Verse 3
  E                                      A 
i watched my safe place burn and felt no pain for what i'd lost. 
     F#m                         B 
only shame, for all the needless pain i knew i'd caused. 
 
        E                                   A 
it's so f*cking sick, but i feel a bit like i got what i wanted. 
     F#m                          Am 
i'll gladly lose it all if it's a sign that something's finally started. 
 
E                           A 
something bigger than my TV screen and cum-stained chair. 
     F#m                          B 
that godforsaken bachelor pad can go to hell for all i care. 
   E                             A 
it took a popcorn fire for me to finally realize 
     F#m                                 Am 
it's time to see through my own eyes and own up 
                            E        A 
that i don't wanna be alone forever. 
                       F#m           B 
i don't wanna be alone forever. 
 
Outro
                                      E 
i don't wanna be alone forever.