Intro
D A G 
D A G 
 
Pugsley
D          A      Bm         A    D  A 
What if she never tortures me  anymore? 
G           Asus4 
How would I manage? 
D          A      Bm             A 
What if she never nails my tongue 
       F#m        A  Bm Bm/A 
To the bathroom floor? 
            Em    Gm7   C#m7 
What if she walks   a - way 
           F#m F# Bm7 Bm/A 
Leaving me a - ok 
            C     Asus4 
Hiding each power tool 
              Gm            D 
Why would she be so cruel? 
 
G       A           D 
I could stab my arm myself 
      Bm             Em7 
Could rip my tonsils out 
      A      G    Am7     D7 
Could set my hair aflame 
G       Asus4 A            Fm7 
I could spray my eyes with mace 
    Bm7                Cdim C 
But face the fact, without  her 
                   Asus4     A 
It wouldn't be the same... 
 
Pugsley (spoken)
                       D            A                   Bm 
Grandma, what if there was this girl who met this person 
                  A                  G 
and they're gonna run away and live alone and eat apples 
N.C. 
What would you give her? 
 
Grandma (spoken)
Bm       A                 G 
Nothing. She's your sister. Be happy for her 
 
Pugsley (spoken)
Bm                          A           G#m                                      C#m 
But what if she doesn't get rid of him? What if all the good times are already behind me? 
 
Grandma (spoken)
       B         A#m 
That's life, kid. You lose the thing you love 
 
Instrumental
Cm Cm Cm 
 
Pugsley
Cm             Fm7   Ab7 Ddim 
Wednesday will drink and then 
             Gm   Gm/Ab Cm 
She'll be herself   a - gain 
Ab7              Eb  Fm 
Lucas will leave her be 
           Gm G7   Cm Cm/B 
So she can torture me 
              Db        Absus4 
Just like she always did 
                     Abm          Eb  Bb Ab Bb 
'Til then I'm just a strange, fat kid 
 
B Db Eb