Verse 1
E     Emaj7                    E7 
Okay, listen up, I'm not gonna lie 
      E6/C#                        E 
Right now, you couldn't frighten a fly 
   Emaj7                    E7 
Or scare a seagull off of a fry 
    E6/C#                        E 
You ever stop to ask yourselves "why?" 
Emaj7                   E7 
Both of you are super polite 
E6/C#                       E 
Middle class, suburban, and white 
      Emaj7                     E7 
Well, all of that is finished tonight 
               E6/C# 
Except for the white part obviously 
 
Bridge
F#m                 C#m                    B 
Take your places, I want scary faces, now go! 
N.C. 
Bigger, further, harder, not bad 
F#m           C#m                    B 
Sever a head, preferably someone you know 
N.C. 
Look at me, I'm so scary 
F#m                          G# 
Don't be so vanilla, would a little anger k*ll ya? 
   A                          C#m 
C'mon, drop your panties, I'm trying to fill you 
     D 
With wisdom and sk*ll and the instinct to k*ll 
B5 
Again, we do not want to k*ll anyone! Fine! 
B5 
But somehow, someway you gotta make 'em see ya' 
B5 
I'm talkin' jumpscares, the jerky Japanese ghost-walk, plus: 
B5 
Learn to throw your voice, fool your friends, fun at parties 
B5 
Now THAT is cool! I wanna do that! 
 
Chorus
    E                Esus4 
Whatever it takes to make 'em go crazy 
E 
Raising the stakes by punching a baby 
E                         Esus4 
Scare 'em awake till they break 
                      A     B 
They'll be quaking in fright 
       E                    Esus4 
'Cause you've got some evil deep down inside you 
E/D#                 C#m 
Put all the farmer's markets behind you 
F#m          G#m         A             A/Bb 
You've gotta work, gotta haunt till it hurts 
            B 
Through the night 
                                        E  Emaj7 
And give those guys the fright of their lives 
      E7   E6/C# 
Yeah, yeah! 
 
Verse 2
E                                Emaj7 
Let's start with things that you hate 
                           E7 
Well, hate's a very strong word 
                        E6/C# 
Perhaps when people are late 
                        E 
Or getting pooped on by birds 
                        Emaj7 
No, what fills you with rage? 
                E7 
Being mean to a pet 
                       E6/C# 
Chefs who use too much sage 
                         E 
When they make beurre noisette 
               Emaj7 
Over-glutinous food 
                     E7 
Or when kids call me "dude" 
                   E6/C# 
Oh, I find that so rude! 
                            E 
Well, there's lots there to use 
 
Bridge
F#m                    C#m                      B 
Take a deep breath and give me your best primal scream! Aaaah! 
N.C. 
Barbara, that was brilliant! Really? 
F#m                 C#m                             B 
Try it again, maybe this time pretend like you mean it! 
N.C. 
Aaah! That was even better! Thanks! 
 
Interlude
A 
I want freedom 
              C#m 
But to get my freedom I need them 
                B 
To get a living person to say my name 
F#m 
Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse? 
                    A 
I know that beggars can't be choosers 
                    C#m 
But do they have to be such losers? 
                 C#m/D 
Both of them are deathly dull and lame 
A 
Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse 
    F#m 
Why God, slash Satan, did you send these bed wetters? 
C#m 
Even, like, a tax attorney would've been better 
E                                           B 
Somebody with gravitas, somebody to fear who 
N.C. 
Excuse me, Mr. Betelgeuse, we can kind of hear you! Yeah? 
N.C. 
Well, that was a soliloquy so you're the one who's being rude. 
 
Chorus
    E                Esus4 
Whatever it takes to make 'em go crazy 
E 
Turn all the lights on, dress like a baby 
E                   Esus4                     D   B 
Adam, I don't even- No, get your heads in the game 
N.C. 
Let's hide their phones 
            F# 
Screw their phones! 
           A 
Ugh, these dopes are both hopeless 
F#                 Am 
How will I ever survive? 
  B                                 E 
Unless they get the fright of their lives 
 
Outro
                Emaj7                     E7             E6/C# 
Yes yes, we're feelin' it, they're gonna feel it, we're k*llin' it! 
     B                             E 
They gotta get the fright of their lives 
Emaj7        E7 
We're scary, very, very, scary! 
        D             A               E 
They'll never get the fright of their lives 
     E 
Yeah!