Intro (No Music) Danny S*xbang Hello, and welcome to Talking Video Games (clapping) Today's subject is games with simple plots I'd like to welcome our guests Would each of you please say who you are, and give a brief summary of the plot of your game? Egoraptor Yes, hello, my name is Pac-Man and I eat dots and fruit (clapping) Danny My name's Donkey Kong, I throw barrels at a guy (clapping) Ego Hi, I'm Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7 My game's plot is pretty simple It goes like this Egoraptor (Music Begins) Dm I was a mercenary working for the Avalanche gang Awesome eco-terrorists who you'd probably wanna bang E A I got trapped in a reactor shortly after my last raid Em And got shot into a slum where I could have gotten SQUAIDS Dm That's squirrel aids, for anyone who's wondering at home Anyway, I met a girl inside the Midgar zone Em Her name was Aerith and I soon became her bodyguard She knew how to work a staff, and she made my body hard Danny Am F Okay Cloud, this is getting complex G Am So we're gonna move on to one of our other guests Ego I knew that Aerith was a Cetra F Danny Excuse me I was singing Egoraptor G E She could lead us to a promised land where energy was springing Am F I went to rescue her, but I was captured and detained (Um) G Am There I met Red XIII, a talking lion with a mane (Cloud) F The president of Shinra was shot by Sephiroth G E A super-evil-Jenova-style-monster-clone-jerkoff (Hey) Am A We learned about Jenova, got our things, and then departed (Wait, I'm totally confused) I haven't even gotten started Dm We met Cait Sith, as well as Vincent, Cid and Yuffie We had gotten very tired and my balls were kind of poofy Em So Aerith let us rest, her tired ass continued on Until Sephiroth k*lled her and then she turned into a swan (What?) Dm Wait, that didn't happen, sorry, let me get rebooted This is sort of where the plot gets a little convoluted Em An earthquake happened, then it started snowing like December Then some other shit went down that I don't seem to remember Danny S*xbang Am F You're using up the whole show, Cloud, please take a rest G Am So let's hear from one of our many other fine guests Q*bert, what's your game about? F Ego I jump on blocks G Danny And you, Asteroid ship? E Ego I blow up rocks Egoraptor Am F Back to my story, Sephiroth was casting spells G Am To make a giant meteor and blow Gaia to Hell F Danny Wait, that doesn't make sense, how on earth would you know- G E F Ego Shut your stupid French mouth. No one asked you, Glass Joe. God! Danny S*xbang C I'm so sorry G C F I'm gonna cut your story short, your plot is way too frigging crazy Am C And we've got one more guest we need to meet (And here he is now) Dm E Hi, my name is Frogger, and I try to cross the street Egoraptor Am F F*ck you, Frogger, I k*lled Hojo, and I went to the Planet's core G Am Sit down, Ninja Gaiden, I'm not done, you stupid whore F We defeated Sephiroth who was now in godlike form G E And cast a Holy spell to stop the asteroid storm Am F The Lifestream stopped the meteor, the whole planet was saved G Am Danny After hearing that plot, I think I have to go shave F Ego You got something to say, Dig Dug? You wanna f*cking go- G E Wait why's this hose in my ass, oh Jesus, God no
