Verse 1
           C 
You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground, 
Am 
And the clatter of the wheels as they went 'round and 'round. 
       F 
And he galloped into Market Street, his badge upon his chest, 
            G                                              C 
His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west. 
 
Verse 2
    C 
Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue, 
          Am 
She lived all alone in Lily Lane at number 22. 
     F 
They said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic, 
    G                                           C 
But Ernie had his cocoa there three times every week. 
 
Chorus
                C     Am 
They called him Ernie, (Ernie), 
         F               G               C 
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west. 
 
Verse 3
    C 
She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart," 
    Am 
And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up the cart. 
   F 
He said, "you wanted pasteurised?  'Coz pasteurised is best," 
           G                                        C 
She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest." 
 
Chorus
                   C       Am 
And that tickled old Ernie, (Ernie), 
         F                G               C 
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.  (Ah-Ooh) 
 
Verse 4
         C 
Now Ernie had a rival, an evil-looking man, 
        Am 
Called Two-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker's van. 
   F 
He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread, 
              G                                                         C 
And when she seen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head. 
 
Verse 5
C 
She nearly swooned at his macaroon, And he said "now if you treat me right 
            Am 
You'll have hot rolls every morning And crumpets every night" 
   F 
He knew once she'd sampled his layer cake He'd have his wicked way 
        G                                       C 
And all Ernie had to offer Was a pint of milk a day 
 
Chorus
C           Am 
Poor Ernie (Ernie) 
         F                G               C 
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west,  (Ah Ooh) 
 
Verse 5
     C 
One lunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door, 
    Am 
It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four. 
           F 
And as he leapt down from his van, hot blood through his veins did course, 
        G                                                    C 
And he went across to Ernie's cart and did naf kick his 'orse. 
 
Chorus
               C          Am 
Whose name was Trigger, (Trigger), 
       F                  G                C 
And he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west. 
 
Verse 6
     C 
Now Ernie ran out into the street with his gold top in his hand, 
   Am 
He said, "If you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man." 
     F 
"Oh why don't we play cards for her?" he sneeringly replied, 
      G                                                        C 
"And just to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the side." 
 
Verse 7
    C 
Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun, 
     Am 
They stood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun. 
    F 
But Ernie was too quick, things didn't go the way Ted planned, 
       G                                                    G 
And a strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his hand. 
     C 
Now Sue, she came between them and she tried to keep them apart, 
       Am 
And Ernie pushed her aside, and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart. 
      F 
And he looked up in pained surprise, As the concrete hardened crust 
      G                                                     C 
Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust. 
 
Chorus
     C       Am 
Poor Ernie, (Ernie), 
       F                 G                 C 
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west. 
 
Verse 8
C 
Ernie was only 52, he didn't wanna die, 
          Am 
Now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky. 
          F 
Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned, 
       G                                                  C 
And a milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land. 
 
Verse 9
      C 
But a woman's needs are many fold and Sue, she married Ted, 
     Am 
But strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed. 
     F 
Was that the tress a rustling? Or the hinges of the gate? 
    G                                            C 
Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their crate? 
 
Chorus 6/Outro
                   C       Am 
They won't forget Ernie, (Ernie), 
         F               G                C 
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.